I hate people who say “music is my life” or “music is my love” or anything cheesy or corny as fuck involving music.
Seriously, you guys are fucking stupid.
I’m a musician. And in all reality.
Music is my mistress. I will tie her to the fucking bed and set the house on fire around her.
Abuse her, use her, get what I want from her. Leave her bleeding in the street.
Want to know why?
The dumb ass whore is over used. Fuck her.
Put her out of her misery.
Dipshits don’t know about what real music is anymore.

It’s not about big visuals, huge stages, pyro’s, or being a showman.
It’s about interaction, the energy, jumping in the crowd, maybe starting some fights.
Think about it.

In a positive light.
Punk taught me how to rebel.
The blues taught me to deal with depression.
Hip hop taught me acceptance.
Alternative taught me how to be myself.
Music taught me why I shouldn’t kill myself.
You taught me how to hate.
You gave me the light to write my feelings.
You’re my problem.

So bad I just want to take a shot at it.

I have had a deep stored crush on a girl I know for a fact I will never ever have a chance with. Which is okay, but she seems great. Artsy and caring like me. But you know, whatever. I’m still trying to get my friend to give her my number.. Don’t think it will happen, and that’s okay too. Although it’d be great if she did. (wink wink, you know you should!) Such a beautiful young lady, I guess I’m entranced by her.
It’s apparently really fucking hard to meet a girl who is into having fun in mud, or being clean, or whatever who doesn’t want some overly douchey guy. Whatever. Fuck you bitches! Atleast the last girl I was with I could get to do things, although it wasn’t really worth it.

I’m really going crazy because Tim bought you up tonight, and it pisses me off that you still have to be a part of this shit. You got fat! HA!
I’ve been told by every single person I’ve ever met, even a few that barely knew me at one point. “She didn’t deserve you. You’re real and special, you deserve better.”
Okay, what is better? What do I deserve?
There was a girl I tried to get back, but that isn’t going to happen. I’m okay knowing that. But seriously, I just want to know when things get back on track, and become easier, I mean, for awhile, I was talking to all sorts of girls, going on dates, but couldn’t really pull through, just don’t know what I want.
There is one girl who as soon as she heard I was dumped, started talking to me, we became good friends because we like the same things and have the same fun.. But I doubt she’d go for this fucker!!!


My best female friend of almost 6 years now has discovered marijuana, which, really, I don’t care, in moderation, that’s fine. 
But holy shit, my best friend was a drug addict for almost 2 maybe 3 years, and for fucks sake, don’t talk about it all the god damn time. It’s not that great, big whoop, being high is fun and all. But it’s not everything. Especially talking to someone who has had to help a few people out of that hole before. I have done it a few times in the last two years, but that doesn’t mean I’m all for it. You got mad at me every time you heard about me doing it, or your ex, not to mention nagging me about drinking with my friends too.
I’m not telling you what you should do, how you should live or whatever. But really, I’m more closer to doing something legal anyways.

 Speaking of insanity, I’m getting my 1985 Toyota SR5 4x4 Xtra Cab today. Made a list of parts I plan on getting, adding up to $3000… good thing I’m not planning on getting them all at once.. this isn’t including bigger tires.. just wow. Going to be worth it though. Going to have one sweet ass pickup when it’s done. Maybe I’ll drop a 2RZ out of a Toyota Tacoma under the hood, or a Chevy V8.. maybe.. 

My throat is fucking sore, and my voice is still hoarse, it sucks. A lot..
and it’s a pain in the ass to get this fucking unemployment shit done, just would like to get my benefits.. 

Adventures in Insomnia. Part 1.

It’s 5 am. I’m used to being up this late. Yet, I always regret it and end up super fucking tired. Oh well. I keep trying to sleep, but it’s not working.
My throat is sore, my voice is hoarse, I sound like I’ve been smoking for years and have been to a shit ton of metal concerts. Alas, it was just a sinus infection. Fuck that.
It also doesn’t help that I have a lot on my mind.

Like this situation I’m in, where a girl likes me (let me add, she is a fine young lady, attractive, smart, witty and all), however, she doesn’t know I know she likes me, I just don’t share the feelings toward her, and I feel like such an asshole for leading her on. Even though I treat all women like how I treated her, so if she thought she was being treated special, she wasn’t. I treat all women with respect, and kindness, and always try to make them feel special. Just trying to muster up the courage to tell her we should just be friends…
Then there is the one who I’ve known since my Junior year, she moved away we had our thing, fought, forgot about each other for two years, started talking, hooked up here and there. Now her mom sold the restaurant in  town, and who knows whats next.
Fucking hell, I’m not looking for this shit, but it complicates me oh so much. Too much.

Happier notes, I might be buying some what my dream truck this weekend. 1985 Toyota 4x4 XCAB Pickup, Long Bed, 22re, however it’s an automatic, which is rare, but not really sought after. I honestly don’t care what gear box it has, I just want that damn thing, and it’s cheap, can’t forget how cheap it is!
Fender introduced the Kurt Cobain signature Jaguar and Mustang this year, in left handed. Won’t be able to afford them, but still, pretty badass to know.

I’m listening to a lot more hip hop and rap music, still keeping my holds on the good stuff of punk, hardrock, and alternative. But the more hip hop I listen to, the more creative my own songs get, both musically and lyrically.
So really, it’s not doing me any harm.
I’m not about to go rob some stores and pound back malt liquor… although, getting a 40 doesn’t sound so bad. Ha!

I’m addicted to instagram, that is all, later haters.